Life as usual

Life goes on. And the life we will be going on in will be filled with less worry. About 6 months (i'm sure it is less, I heard about 3 months, but I don't want to take any chances) I will no longer have to depend on birth control. I will no longer have to deal with the crap it gives me. BUT I may have to deal with the crap my period gives me. At least though I can now test different birth control pills to see what fits me. Yes birth control helps with my periods...with the Nuvaring I have had pretty much no period (only spotting) and no cramps. I love it but the ring is starting to lose it's magic. Anyways now we don't have to worry if we have enough condoms, we don't have to worry about maybe getting me pregnant. And yes getting me pregnant would be the end of the world. Not only can I NOT afford one but I do not want to give up my life to care for a child. So, in 6 months I will start the search for the perfect period....for however long my body accepts it.
Now why in the world would Marc give up his ability to have kids...I mean I could die, we could divorce and he could find someone else. Well he never wanted kids and doesn't want to have to deal with the possibility of having kids. Like I said the birth control I search for is to help control my periods...they are monsters from the deep and need to be contained.
Enough of that.

Last night we were laying in bed and I asked Marc if he felt like he was missing something...if he felt sad that the deed was done. He didn't even hesitate and said no. He smiled. I told him I felt like I was missing something....that something is that constant worry of having to deal with what to do with the baby I could get. Now I don't have to worry about one day giving into the guilt I am always given about having to have a child to please the parents, the guilt that my life is less than a mothers. I was worried I would have a baby just to please them.....family. And THAT would be a mistake...it wouldn't be a child I would love. I am glad I do not have to deal with that anymore. I can now smile and say no we aren't having kids and know that I will not give in.
I know people are sad, pissed off, probably even want to scream and shout at us but that is their problem. We ARE HAPPY. We see a life full of possibilities, in 3 years I will have a career and it will allow us to do things we wanted to do. Why can't people be happy for us? Happy that we have made a decision...a big decision on what we want. But no we get grief and pity, and that comes from people we love. People that should accept our decision and be happy for us because we are happy.
So we woke up this morning and nothing felt different, we didn't cry, our hearts didn't ache. Nothing. Well Marcs balls ache a bit. BUT life has gone on.....and people need to accept our life. We are no less human because we don't want kids.
I hear how our life will have no meaning, that we are now forever missing out. So be it. But we aren't missing out on other things, we aren't missing our lives together.