Deflated

I managed to get myself up early and head to the clinic to get my results from the blood test I did last week. When I got called on Wednesday I was told my TSH (snort, THC levels was not right!) levels were high and that I would need a new dose of my thyroid medication. Ok, I'm used to always changing my doses. So I go in, do the whole seeing the nurse thing (she was very nice!) and then I am waiting to see the doctor. I am nervous (I hate going to the clinic) and just want my new prescription and leave. Well the minute the doctor walking in I knew she was going to treat me like crap. She had this look on her face, the look of hating ones job, hating patients..hating everything. Great.

She then proceeds to tell me the test is messed up. That I messed it up. What?? She said it must be because I was sick. Uhh no I was not sick, and I have gotten this blood test done before while I was sick and I never had any issues. But no she ignored me and they yelled at me for not bringing my medication. I never had to bring it before, I knew my dosage but she didn't believe I was on that amount and continued yelling at me for not bringing my medication. I know it's important to bring the medication but I was always ignored when I would show my pills so I just didn't bring it. I mean I was told I was getting a new dose and that was it! She then said that the levels look normal but something is working harder than it should...what the fuck does that mean? She does not explain further. So she hands me another sheet to get a blood test and then gets ready to leave. I get up and leave. I can barely make it out the clinic before I have a full on break down.

I spent 5 minutes in my car crying. I feel like shit. I hate doctors. I hate my thyroid. My whole life I have been told it's my fault it's messed up. Why aren't you fixing it!! Get better goddammit!! I don't even know if I want to get the blood test. I just can't handle being treated like crap because my thyroid issue wont fix itself. Maybe there is something else going on, but they refuse to even consider it. I'm just lazy and that is why it will never work right.

So today I am a mess. I am constantly on the verge of crying.

Veins, they hate me.

This humidity! It's disgusting. I miss the cold! I see people comment on how they luuuuurve this weather and I wonder how many of them go from an air conditioned house to an air conditioned car to an air conditioned office. Sure they love the heat....in small doses. Try sleeping in this heat and humidity, try using public transit that refuses to add air conditioning to its buses, only then will I believe that they like this weather. Until then those people who live in air conditioning can kiss my ass. At least I can smile and laugh when winter comes and hear I them bitch and moan about the cold :)

Last week I went for the dreaded blood test to check out my thyroid. I hate blood tests. HATE them. I don't like needles in general but blood tests just make me sweat, shake and flip out. I have many bad memories of blood tests gone wrong and being blamed for it, so when I get a nurse who is nice, calm and gentile it gives me hope that I can maybe handle getting blood tests at some point in my life. When i'm sitting in the chair with my arm extended and the elastic wrapped around my arm I have to keep telling myself that if I can get tattoos I can get one needle! Right?! At least this time that worked because she got a vein on the first shot. My veins like to hide, they are assholes.

Just to get said blood test though was another experience. The doctor who gave me the blood test sheet never put her name, the clinics address, or a fax number on it. I asked her if I could go anywhere and she said yes. I never looked at the paper at the time because I never had an issue with the test papers. So I get to the hospital and find out that I can not get a blood test because the doctor did not fill out the sheet right. Well shit! I am hungry (can't eat before these wonderful tests :P) and got up early so it was hard to hold myself together. I acted as calm as I could and told them that I didn't realize she didn't fill this paper out, and they kept telling me that it was my responsibility to make sure it's filled out. Like I know all the information! They then go on to tell me that I need a doctor, o really?? I HAD a doctor but the wonderful health care system here in Quebec makes sure that you can never get a new one if the old one leaves. Fuckers.

Anyways I am telling them I really need this test, it's for my thyroid and they keep going on about family doctors so I walk away. The receptionist comes to see me and tells me she will try to find the doctors full name. Through all this I am noticing the database for doctors and clinics must really suck because they can not find the clinic I went to. She does eventually find the clinic and gets the doctors first name (we did manage to notice the scribble on the test sheet was her last name). So she adds the doctors info and the clinics fax info to the test sheet and sends me off to do the test. I then get a call yesterday to go in to get my dosage changed :) So thank you to the nice receptionist for helping me out! Between the nice receptionist and the nice nurse taking my blood, the overall experience was great.

Excuse my rambling.

During all that Marc dropped off some sperm to get the second post vasectomy test. We are really hoping this test comes back with no swimmers, if it does he might need to go under the knife again and he's really not keen on doing that. Maybe I can talk to a doctor about a tubal. I'm going to check it out anyways tomorrow when I'm at the clinic, just to see how this doctor reacts. I wonder if he/she would send me to a psychologist? Cause you know I'm messed up for not wanting a child! :P

Life is quiet here. Still nothing on the job hunt. We're heading up the see Marcs family this weekend, his dad hasn't been feeling too good lately. It's been causing some stress with Marc and I, not fighting just stress, dealing with my dad being sick and then passing, and now Marcs dad being sick has been hard on us. My little herb garden is growing :). I am so excited to get some hot peppers from the little plant. I have sage, cilantro, oregano and a hot pepper plant.

You might want to look into getting new employees

You know because the ones you have working for you now can't seem to manage making appointments right....and that is kinda a big deal when it's a doctors office. UGH...that's right UGH!

So now we wont know till June for the results from Marcs first post vasectomy test. I'm just hoping it comes back negative so we will not have to drive all the way back there for more tests.

'Sides all that life is good. I have been working out for 3ish weeks straight and i'm proud of that. Marc is doing good too. Nothing much has been happening right now, it's been quiet which is good.

We are going to be booking our trip to Winnipeg mid-May if the doctors give the go ahead. We are looking forward to going :)

Today I did something I may regret later tonight...I threw out my cats bed. It broke. I had a small box that I put in the corner of the room while we were moving into our new place. I forgot about it for awhile and my tabby decided that the box is now his. For almost 4 years he has slept in that box...he would get annoyed if the calico was in there or even if we moved it a bit. 2 weeks ago it ripped on the sides and he could no longer use it. Marc and I have been debating on what to use in it's place but we could never decide on what. Today I was cleaning out my closet and I found an old shoe box. Hey it's another box!! So I rip off the cover and put an old t-shirt in it.....he has not taken to this new box yet. I think it might be too small but I'm not sure as he ignores it :P

I'm just hoping he wont keep us up all night meowing or destroying things (like our souls).