And Life Goes On

So a lot of things have gone down in the last Month. So far I have passed two midterms, one I don't know the mark yet and the other has been moved around so much I could care less about it...not quiet true. I want to pass but I just can't stress about it anymore. I have no more stress to give!

Besides that I went and got a new tattoo. It has no meaning, no long sad story to go with it. I got it because I liked the design. Simple. It's on my thigh and right now it's driving me up the wall with how itchy it is!

3 months to go before we move. I am so not ready for this. If I could I'd just get rid of everything and buy new things...or have a glass of wine and pay someone else to pack. I'm trying to be smart this time and pack things ahead of time and get rid of things we don't want. I will probably spend some of Easter break packing things up or do homework. Neither one sounds like fun.

A couple of weeks ago my father in law lost the fight to cancer. He was fighting for about a year and it looked like he beat it last last year but it came back. We knew it was coming but it's still not easy. We have no more dads to go to for dad things. The husband has been handling it pretty good. He has his odd moments here and there. They will never go away. I just have to be there for him when those moments get to be too much.

The husband also shaved his head. He was talking about it for years and finally decided to just do it. He looks great with a shaved head :). I don't think he realized the amount of work in keeping a head shaved and has been talking about growing his hair back (which takes like 2 days to get to the length he had it at before the shave). It took me a few days to get used to the feeling of a bare scalp but after a couple of shaves the skin felt normal.

I guess I should get to the studying...


Well after I read one more article........

To Tattoo or not to Tattoo

That is the question lovies.

I have 6 tattoos and I love all of them. Some tell a story others are just there because I liked the design. They all have meaning to me.

I put a lot of thought into placement of tattoos. Studying to be a paralegal means I will be working in offices that have a dress code and having tattoos right there in their face might not work. All my tattoos I can hide, some easier than others: my wrist tattoo I need a large bracelet, my leg tattoos require dark tights or pants in some settings. But I am ok with that, I knew what I was getting into.

I recently found a picture that I would love to have tattooed on my body. The colours are amazing and it's different. It's also different from my usual tattoo style. It's pin-up. I have always wanted a pin-up style tattoo but I could never find one or think one up that I would like and I didn't know where I would put it. I would want this one to be easier to cover up in job settings but that I can still show off sometimes on the weekends. So where to put it?

It would not work on my calves as I have a tattoo in that area on each leg. My arms are out of the question (at least until I am retired or is accepted in the job place, or I move somewhere really cold where wearing long sleeve shirts wont bug me). I have three tattoos on my back but they are high on my back, however my back is spoken for. I have plans to put a large Alien tattoo back there. Then I thought about my thighs: easy to cover up but I can show it off a little bit if I want. I would get it on my left thigh and I have a lot of space there. It works!

Then I get an email from Marc, after telling him about my plan, telling me he does not want a tattoo there. He doesn't want me ruing my thighs. Well what the hell do I do with that!? Marc is good about my tattoos, he supports my choices (even though I know some of them bug him). But this one he is against. He's not against the tattoo I should add, just the placement choice. Marc has no say what I do with my body, he can suggest things or voice his concerns but at the end of the day it is my choice. I will change my hair style and colour and wont care if he prefers it long. It's my damn hair. And I have gone ahead and gotten tattoos without paying attention to him because it is my body.

But I'm stuck on this one. He's VERY adamant about me not getting the tattoo on my thigh. I'm not used to him being this opposed to something I am doing to my body. Like I said, I would just go along and do whatever I like but for some reason I feel as if I shouldn't do this. That I should find another area on my body or just not get it at all. I would love this tattoo as much as my others, I have no doubt about that. But I don't want to upset Marc.

Now, I wouldn't get this tattoo for a few months and only if I have enough money so I have time to think but it's so odd that I am even humoring not doing something to my body to please a man.

Anyways this is the tattoo. I found it on a Tumblr site. I don't know who created it but if you do know please send me the persons name/site/whatever.

This is not my creation. Like I stated above, if you know the origin of this image please send me the info so I can add it here.

Also spare me the whole "What will you do when you're old?!" "They will look horrible" "Tattoos have to all mean something" etc. I hear enough of that from my aunt and my mother. If tattoos bother you then don't look, period.

Veins, they hate me.

This humidity! It's disgusting. I miss the cold! I see people comment on how they luuuuurve this weather and I wonder how many of them go from an air conditioned house to an air conditioned car to an air conditioned office. Sure they love the heat....in small doses. Try sleeping in this heat and humidity, try using public transit that refuses to add air conditioning to its buses, only then will I believe that they like this weather. Until then those people who live in air conditioning can kiss my ass. At least I can smile and laugh when winter comes and hear I them bitch and moan about the cold :)

Last week I went for the dreaded blood test to check out my thyroid. I hate blood tests. HATE them. I don't like needles in general but blood tests just make me sweat, shake and flip out. I have many bad memories of blood tests gone wrong and being blamed for it, so when I get a nurse who is nice, calm and gentile it gives me hope that I can maybe handle getting blood tests at some point in my life. When i'm sitting in the chair with my arm extended and the elastic wrapped around my arm I have to keep telling myself that if I can get tattoos I can get one needle! Right?! At least this time that worked because she got a vein on the first shot. My veins like to hide, they are assholes.

Just to get said blood test though was another experience. The doctor who gave me the blood test sheet never put her name, the clinics address, or a fax number on it. I asked her if I could go anywhere and she said yes. I never looked at the paper at the time because I never had an issue with the test papers. So I get to the hospital and find out that I can not get a blood test because the doctor did not fill out the sheet right. Well shit! I am hungry (can't eat before these wonderful tests :P) and got up early so it was hard to hold myself together. I acted as calm as I could and told them that I didn't realize she didn't fill this paper out, and they kept telling me that it was my responsibility to make sure it's filled out. Like I know all the information! They then go on to tell me that I need a doctor, o really?? I HAD a doctor but the wonderful health care system here in Quebec makes sure that you can never get a new one if the old one leaves. Fuckers.

Anyways I am telling them I really need this test, it's for my thyroid and they keep going on about family doctors so I walk away. The receptionist comes to see me and tells me she will try to find the doctors full name. Through all this I am noticing the database for doctors and clinics must really suck because they can not find the clinic I went to. She does eventually find the clinic and gets the doctors first name (we did manage to notice the scribble on the test sheet was her last name). So she adds the doctors info and the clinics fax info to the test sheet and sends me off to do the test. I then get a call yesterday to go in to get my dosage changed :) So thank you to the nice receptionist for helping me out! Between the nice receptionist and the nice nurse taking my blood, the overall experience was great.

Excuse my rambling.

During all that Marc dropped off some sperm to get the second post vasectomy test. We are really hoping this test comes back with no swimmers, if it does he might need to go under the knife again and he's really not keen on doing that. Maybe I can talk to a doctor about a tubal. I'm going to check it out anyways tomorrow when I'm at the clinic, just to see how this doctor reacts. I wonder if he/she would send me to a psychologist? Cause you know I'm messed up for not wanting a child! :P

Life is quiet here. Still nothing on the job hunt. We're heading up the see Marcs family this weekend, his dad hasn't been feeling too good lately. It's been causing some stress with Marc and I, not fighting just stress, dealing with my dad being sick and then passing, and now Marcs dad being sick has been hard on us. My little herb garden is growing :). I am so excited to get some hot peppers from the little plant. I have sage, cilantro, oregano and a hot pepper plant.

My plan

I started to want to lose some weight for the trip we most likely will be taking in June and then, while on the treadmill watching Aliens (love that movie!!), I wondered if I could find a nice picture to use as a tattoo. Then I thought why not go for gold and get the back piece done. Hell why not work towards that!! So I went on the net and found the picture I think will work (I may change my mind in a few years, it might not work as a tattoo..etc) and I told myself that once I get to where I am happy I will start the process of getting this tattoo.

I am not weighing myself. NEVER. I hate that fucking scale. I hate all scales. I tend to over focus on the number and not how I look, so I told myself I will let the clothes do the talking. I will probably weigh myself when I start thinking I might be close to where I want to be...but I'm not sure. So no I will not know how many pounds I lose, I will only know how many dress sizes I have gone down. Will this process be easy? Hell no. But at 24 I think I need to commit to something other than a marriage. For now I am limiting a lot of things but as I learn what my body is missing/craves I will add it in to my diet. I am not on some diet, or crazy workout thing. I am doing what feels good to me. I am not doing this for anyone dead or alive...this is all for me and that tattoo. I will have days where I will cry because I feel like a failure..I will have days where I will feel like the best looking thing on the planet. This will take me awhile to do...but I think I can do it. I am not going to lose the amount doctors tell me I should because at that weight I will look gross. I like a little fat on me. I am tall and have big bones so I know I am not going to go below 170 ( and that number is pushing it). I know my goal weight and I will know when I am close.

I look forward to this...to the failures and the triumphs. I look forward to the day where I can say I did it. I will not blog about this though..I may comment on it every so often but I am not really going to talk about it. Every other time I have talked about what I am doing day to day I got critized (in the bad way..you know the "you're doing it wrong") I got so many different diets shoved down my throat and so many workouts that I need to do shoved down my throat. I do not need any of that and if I hear any of it I might punch the person.

So I will print out the picture I want tattood on me and tape it to my mirror. I will look at that picture everyday and imagine it on my back and it will make me get on that treadmill and drink that water and eat good food!!

New Tattoo

Today I got a new tattoo. I love it. I can not believe how much I love this tattoo. It came out perfectly.

It has so much meaning to me. It came from my birth certificate. The dates were added as a last minute thing and I love how the tattoo artist did them. It is his style and it suits the tattoo.

Anyways here it is: My dads signature.

Not cool car, not cool.

O my car is giving me grey hairs I swear. Yesterday it decided that it was time for it's yearly break down. This time it decided it was time for a bushing in the back to die. It's like over 500$ to fix a rubber bushing! BUT our warranty covers it so we are only paying the 100$ deductible. We can do 100$ no problem! Although I really do not want to spend money fixing this car again I am glad I do not have to pay more than 100$.

Besides that things are alright. I am still having some pretty bad off days but I'm learning how to handle them. I am getting a tattoo on Sunday and it will be pretty cool. We are also trying to plan a trip out west to see Marcs sister, brother in law and our little niece. We hope it works out, we have the money aside but you know how life is...things pop up! Hopefully our car will behave!

I also listened to the most horrendous song out there...It's called Friday by Rebecca Black. OMG I wanted to rip my ears off! Her voice was grating, the lyrics were...I don't have words for it, the video was special. I am pretty sure I lost brain cells.