23 November 2010

What's it called? The bunny is out of the bag...or something like that.

So (yes i have asked/talked to Marc about this post) the "procedure" he is getting in January is the big V....Vasectomy. We have discussed one of us getting a procedure done and since I can not get my tubes cut until I am 50 (unless I have some kind of medical NEED to get them out), because for some reason woman want to have kids and that maternal instinct will kick in and DEMAND a child, Marc raised his hand. We have been going through the process for a few months now: Meeting with the surgeon, him asking us if we were sure, both of us talking about it over and over again, and me making sure he is 100% sure about this because there really is no way back (yes you can get it reversed but they prefer not to do it and it doesn't always work). We agreed that yes this is what we want.
Why wouldn't we want to have a baby, to raise another human from infancy to adulthood, to expereince the love, happiness, and sadness a child gives you? We just don't see ourselves as parents. I LOVE kids, I really do (newborns not so much but once they hit 6 months to 2 and from 4 on I love) I spent 4 years working with kids they are FUN, they have an incredible imagination, they don't care about anything except having a good time. They hug you! Kiss you and can tell amazing stories! But you have to give up things too to have all that. And those things are things I do not, nor does Marc, want to give up. Am i selfish? I guess I am. I would rather spend my money on shiny things, clothes, dinners, trips (when I get a job and get money! lol) I want my sleep, I want my freedom, I want to be able to just quit a job a move to where ever without having a kid in my way, and I am lucky I found a man and married that man who wants that too. Having a child is a lifelong commitment, and it is one I just can not see myself doing. But should I bring a child into this world because I HAVE to, because I will never be happy without a crying, pooping, drooling baby around, because I am a woman? No. It would be mean of me and of Marc to bring a child into this world because we need to, that child deserves more than that.
Besides I can not imagine me pregnant. I think about it and want to throw up. I think it is gross. OMG!!! I said it, I think pregnancy is gross. It looks good on some people but on me it would be a disaster.
We can be and ARE happy without kids, sure I am 24 and Marc is 27 we have LOTS of time. Lots of time to vacation, spend crazy amounts of money and be stupid without having to worry about a child. You have to WANT to be a mother and a father to want to have kids, to feel that love that only parents feel. You can't get that love just because you're pressured into being a parent.
I feel like I need to defend myself and Marc. WHY?! Why should we be defending ourselves? It is our life, our decision, my body, us having a baby or not does not change the world. And then I remember that I don't have to defend anything. We know what we are doing, we are NOT giving something up. We are NOT monsters. We are HAPPY. We are happy with each other and our two cats. When I think about us in the future I never see a child in it, never.
BUT we could change our mind. OMG WHAT IS SHE SAYING??!! Calm down. We can come to the point in our life together where we want to share the world with another human. And if we ever come to that point we can adopt. Adopt?? But that is a hard process!! and soooooo expensive!! Yes it is hard, emotional, and very expensive. It can take years and at the end you might not even get to adopt. But if we want a child that bad, if we want to be a mother and a father we will go through that process and see what the outcome is. Does that make us any less a mother and father? No. I really hate when people tell me that I will never be a mother now, that I will never be able to experince those feelings a child gives. Ummm yes I will. YES I will be a mother if I adopt and YES Marc will be a father. It is a very close minded view to think that we will never experince parenthood because he is getting a vasectomy. Giving birth naturally does not a mother make. There are enough children in this world without loving parents and without a home that if we can't get rid of that need to be parents we will give one of them a chance at a happy life.
We know what we are doing, Marc knows what he is doing. He does not need to be scolded like a child because he is doing something that he says will make his life better and happier.
We just want people to know that we are happy with what we are doing, that Marc knows what is happening and what he is "giving up" (in the eyes of others) or "gaining" (in our eyes). The love that we have can be meant for us only, it doesn't have to be shared to count as love.

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