It's not a bad thing....to ask for help

Is it?

I don't know.

I thought I had it. I really did. I thought I had it all figured out and everything would be fine...and then it all came crashing down.

I don't go see therapists or counselors,I never know what to say to them. And I feel like an idiot. I saw two in my life and I did not enjoy it. It was useless but I had to see them...i really had no other choice. Now I do have the choice. I can be an adult and realize I need help. I just need someone to talk too.

I still can't cry. I can't cry in front of Marc. I don't know why. I hide it...I will go to bed early and cry myself to sleep. I will cry when he is not home. I will cry in the shower. But I can not cry in front of my husband. I can not just break down in front of him.

I haven't had a full on break down yet...a full on tear fest. I can feel it though, it wants to come out, but I wont let it and it's hurting me so much. I don't know who to cry too though so I hold it in. I hold my anger and sadness and fears in.

I hold it all in.