Deflated

I managed to get myself up early and head to the clinic to get my results from the blood test I did last week. When I got called on Wednesday I was told my TSH (snort, THC levels was not right!) levels were high and that I would need a new dose of my thyroid medication. Ok, I'm used to always changing my doses. So I go in, do the whole seeing the nurse thing (she was very nice!) and then I am waiting to see the doctor. I am nervous (I hate going to the clinic) and just want my new prescription and leave. Well the minute the doctor walking in I knew she was going to treat me like crap. She had this look on her face, the look of hating ones job, hating patients..hating everything. Great.

She then proceeds to tell me the test is messed up. That I messed it up. What?? She said it must be because I was sick. Uhh no I was not sick, and I have gotten this blood test done before while I was sick and I never had any issues. But no she ignored me and they yelled at me for not bringing my medication. I never had to bring it before, I knew my dosage but she didn't believe I was on that amount and continued yelling at me for not bringing my medication. I know it's important to bring the medication but I was always ignored when I would show my pills so I just didn't bring it. I mean I was told I was getting a new dose and that was it! She then said that the levels look normal but something is working harder than it should...what the fuck does that mean? She does not explain further. So she hands me another sheet to get a blood test and then gets ready to leave. I get up and leave. I can barely make it out the clinic before I have a full on break down.

I spent 5 minutes in my car crying. I feel like shit. I hate doctors. I hate my thyroid. My whole life I have been told it's my fault it's messed up. Why aren't you fixing it!! Get better goddammit!! I don't even know if I want to get the blood test. I just can't handle being treated like crap because my thyroid issue wont fix itself. Maybe there is something else going on, but they refuse to even consider it. I'm just lazy and that is why it will never work right.

So today I am a mess. I am constantly on the verge of crying.